Ideal Muslim Series
Muslim & his/her Parents
Asalaam Wa Alykum Wa Rahmat Allah Hi Wa Barakat
An ideal Muslim’s exceptional personality extends towards his/her parents foremost among all the creation of Allah. This part of the series deals with the kind of attitude/behaviour a Muslim model should have towards his/her parents.
Muslim and his/her parents
§ Treat Them With Kindness & Respect:
One of the main distinguishing characteristics of a true Muslim is his/her respectful and kind treatment of his/her parents. This is a constant theme in the book of Allah and the Sunnah of His prophet.
§ S/he Recognises Their Status & Knows His/Her Duties Towards Them:
Islam has raised the status of the parents to a level that is unknown in any other religion. It has placed kindness and respect towards them on a level that is just one degree below belief in Allah. So the true Muslim is kinder and more respectful towards his/her parents than any other person in the world. You must try to choose the right words to say to them. Words that will make them feel wanted and loved.
§ An Illustration Of The Status of Parents:
The story of the devote worshipper Jurayj, which was told by the Prophet (PBUH), is a vivid illustration of the importance of respecting one’s parents and being quick to obey them. One day, his mother called him whilst he was praying, and he wondered, “My Rabb, my mother or my prayer?” He chose to continue his prayer (rather than answer his mom). She called him a second time, but he continued praying and did not answer her. Then she called him a third time, and when he did not respond she prayed to Allah not to let him die until he had seen the face of a prostitute.
There was a prostitute in that locality who had committed adultery with a shepherd and had become pregnant. When she realised that she was with a child, the shepherd told her: “If you are asked about the father of the baby, say that it is Jurayj, the devoted worshipper.” This is what she said, so the people went and destroyed the place where he used to pray. The ruler brought him to the public square, and on the way Jurayj remembered his mother’s prayer and smiled. When he was brought forth to be punished, he asked for permission to pray two rak’ahs, then he asked for the infant to be brought forth and whispered in his ear “Who is your father?” The infant said, “My father is so-and-so, the shepherd.” (This child is one of the three infants who spoke in the cradle). The people exclaimed “La ilaha illa Allah” and “Allahu akbar!” They told Jurayj, “We will rebuild your prayer place with silver and gold!” He said “No, just rebuild it as it was, with bricks and mortar.”
Concerning this story, which was reported by Bukhari, the Prophet (PBUH) said: “If Jurayj had sound knowledge, he would have known that answering his mother was more important than continuing his prayer.” Hence the fuqaha suggested that if a man is praying nafil prayer and one of his parent calls him, he is obliged to stop his prayer and answer them.
§ Speaking In A Humble Manner:
A man asked Sa’id ibn al Musayyab (RAA): “I understood all of the ayah about kindness and respect towards parents, apart from the phrase ‘but address them in terms of honour.’ How can I address them in terms of honour?” Sa’id replied: “It means that you should address them as a servant addresses his master.” Ibn Sirin (RAA) used to speak to his mother in a soft voice, like that of a sick person, out of respect for her.
§ He Is Extremely Reluctant To Disobey Them:
Disobedience towards one’s parents is likened to shirk, just as treating them with kindness and respect is connected to belief in Allah. Disobedience towards parents is a heinous crime that the true Muslim fears to commit, because it will diminish his/her reward and is, in fact, viewed as one of the worst sin.
Abu Bakrah Nufay ibn al-Harith said:
“The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) asked us three times, “Shall I tell you the greatest sins?” We said, “Yes, O Messenger of Allah (PBUH).” He said: “Associating partners with Allah and disobeying one’s parents.” (Bukhari & Muslim)
§ S/he Treats His Parents’ Friends Well:
Ibn Umar (RAA) reported that the Prophet (PBUH) said:
“The best kind of goodness (birr) is that a man should keep in touch with and respect his father’s friend.” In another report: “One of the best kinds of goodness (birr) is that a man should keep in touch with his father’s friend even after his father has passed away.” (Muslim)
The highest form of love, faithfulness and respect that a child can show to his/her parents are to keep in touch with their friends, both during their lifetime and after their death. The true Muslim always seeks to strengthen the ties of friendship with those whom his/her parents love.
In the west (and now even in some Muslim countries), the child leaves his/her parents when s/he reaches the age of maturity and breaks the ties of kinship, never meeting his/her parents or showing any compassion or feelings towards his/her father or mother. The child goes his/her own way, scarcely looking back with love or respect to those who sacrificed so much and are now facing the worst time of their life, after they gave the best days of their lives for their children who were just starting out on life.
What comparison can there be between the ungrateful, disobedient attitude of the child towards his/her parents, and the respect, kindness affection and love shown by the dutiful Muslim to his/her parents during their lifetime and after their death, keeping in touch with their friends? Surely no other system or way of life has ever equalled the unique way in which Islam moulds people and instills humanity in them.
Muslim and his/her parents
§ Treat Them With Kindness & Respect:
One of the main distinguishing characteristics of a true Muslim is his/her respectful and kind treatment of his/her parents. This is a constant theme in the book of Allah and the Sunnah of His prophet.
§ S/he Recognises Their Status & Knows His/Her Duties Towards Them:
Islam has raised the status of the parents to a level that is unknown in any other religion. It has placed kindness and respect towards them on a level that is just one degree below belief in Allah. So the true Muslim is kinder and more respectful towards his/her parents than any other person in the world. You must try to choose the right words to say to them. Words that will make them feel wanted and loved.
§ An Illustration Of The Status of Parents:
The story of the devote worshipper Jurayj, which was told by the Prophet (PBUH), is a vivid illustration of the importance of respecting one’s parents and being quick to obey them. One day, his mother called him whilst he was praying, and he wondered, “My Rabb, my mother or my prayer?” He chose to continue his prayer (rather than answer his mom). She called him a second time, but he continued praying and did not answer her. Then she called him a third time, and when he did not respond she prayed to Allah not to let him die until he had seen the face of a prostitute.
There was a prostitute in that locality who had committed adultery with a shepherd and had become pregnant. When she realised that she was with a child, the shepherd told her: “If you are asked about the father of the baby, say that it is Jurayj, the devoted worshipper.” This is what she said, so the people went and destroyed the place where he used to pray. The ruler brought him to the public square, and on the way Jurayj remembered his mother’s prayer and smiled. When he was brought forth to be punished, he asked for permission to pray two rak’ahs, then he asked for the infant to be brought forth and whispered in his ear “Who is your father?” The infant said, “My father is so-and-so, the shepherd.” (This child is one of the three infants who spoke in the cradle). The people exclaimed “La ilaha illa Allah” and “Allahu akbar!” They told Jurayj, “We will rebuild your prayer place with silver and gold!” He said “No, just rebuild it as it was, with bricks and mortar.”
Concerning this story, which was reported by Bukhari, the Prophet (PBUH) said: “If Jurayj had sound knowledge, he would have known that answering his mother was more important than continuing his prayer.” Hence the fuqaha suggested that if a man is praying nafil prayer and one of his parent calls him, he is obliged to stop his prayer and answer them.
§ Speaking In A Humble Manner:
A man asked Sa’id ibn al Musayyab (RAA): “I understood all of the ayah about kindness and respect towards parents, apart from the phrase ‘but address them in terms of honour.’ How can I address them in terms of honour?” Sa’id replied: “It means that you should address them as a servant addresses his master.” Ibn Sirin (RAA) used to speak to his mother in a soft voice, like that of a sick person, out of respect for her.
§ He Is Extremely Reluctant To Disobey Them:
Disobedience towards one’s parents is likened to shirk, just as treating them with kindness and respect is connected to belief in Allah. Disobedience towards parents is a heinous crime that the true Muslim fears to commit, because it will diminish his/her reward and is, in fact, viewed as one of the worst sin.
Abu Bakrah Nufay ibn al-Harith said:
“The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) asked us three times, “Shall I tell you the greatest sins?” We said, “Yes, O Messenger of Allah (PBUH).” He said: “Associating partners with Allah and disobeying one’s parents.” (Bukhari & Muslim)
§ S/he Treats His Parents’ Friends Well:
Ibn Umar (RAA) reported that the Prophet (PBUH) said:
“The best kind of goodness (birr) is that a man should keep in touch with and respect his father’s friend.” In another report: “One of the best kinds of goodness (birr) is that a man should keep in touch with his father’s friend even after his father has passed away.” (Muslim)
The highest form of love, faithfulness and respect that a child can show to his/her parents are to keep in touch with their friends, both during their lifetime and after their death. The true Muslim always seeks to strengthen the ties of friendship with those whom his/her parents love.
In the west (and now even in some Muslim countries), the child leaves his/her parents when s/he reaches the age of maturity and breaks the ties of kinship, never meeting his/her parents or showing any compassion or feelings towards his/her father or mother. The child goes his/her own way, scarcely looking back with love or respect to those who sacrificed so much and are now facing the worst time of their life, after they gave the best days of their lives for their children who were just starting out on life.
What comparison can there be between the ungrateful, disobedient attitude of the child towards his/her parents, and the respect, kindness affection and love shown by the dutiful Muslim to his/her parents during their lifetime and after their death, keeping in touch with their friends? Surely no other system or way of life has ever equalled the unique way in which Islam moulds people and instills humanity in them.
References:
[1] Hashimi, M.A. (1997). The muslim ideal (Adobe Digital Editions version), Retrieved from http://www.kalamullah.com/Books/The%20Ideal%20Muslim.pdf
[2] Hashimi, M.A. (1996). The ideal muslimah (Adobe Digital Editions version), Retrieved from http://www.kalamullah.com/Books/The%20Ideal%20Muslimah.pdf
