Ideal Muslim Series
Muslim & his/her Relatives
Asalaam Wa Alykum Wa Rahmat Allah Hi Wa Barakat
The Muslim man/woman who is guided by the teachings of his/her religion never forgets that his/her relatives have rights over him/her, and that s/he is required to uphold the ties of kinship and to treat them well. The relatives (in Arabic arham, which literally means "wombs") are those to whom a person is linked by ties of blood, whether they are his heirs or not.
Its a rare sight to see people making efforts to uphold these ties of kinship now. Rather, just the contrary is seen. More and more families are getting into disputes over inconsequential matters. Siblings becoming the enemy of their own siblings (VERY common in some Asian countries), fights between members regarding properties etc.
Islam has recognized the ties of kinship in a way that is unparalleled in other religions or "isms"; it enjoins Muslims to uphold the ties of kinship and condemns the one who breaks this tie.
There is no greater proof of the emphasis placed by Islam on the ties of kinship than the vivid picture painted by the Prophet (PBUH), who described kinship (rahm) as standing in the vast arena of creation and seeking refuge with Allah from being cut off. Allah answers its prayer, taking care of those who maintain the ties of kinship, and cutting off those who cut off these ties. This is seen in the sahih hadith narrated by Abu Hurayrah who said:
The Prophet (PBUH) said: `Allah created the universe, and when He had finished,
kinship (rahm) stood up and said, "This is the standing up of one who seeks Your protection from being cut off." Allah said, "Yes, would it please you if I were to take care of those who take care of you and cut off those who cut you off?" It said, "Of course." Allah said, "Then your prayer is granted." {Bukhari & Muslim, Sharh al-Sunnah, 13/20, Kitab al-birr wa'l-silah, bab thawab silah al-rahm wa ithm man qata'aha)
For the true Muslim, the fact that rahm is often mentioned in conjunction with belief in Allah and good treatment of parents, is enough to confirm its status and importance. Upholding the ties of kinship is one of the major principles of Islam, one of the fundamentals that this religion has promoted from the first day the Prophet (PBUH) began to preach his message. It is one of the most characteristic features of Islamic law. In fact severe warnings are given to those who do not uphold the ties of kinship. The Prophet (PBUH) has said:
"The person who breaks the ties of kinship will never enter Paradise.”{Bukhari & Muslim, Sharh al-Sunnah, 13/26, Kitab al-birr wa'l-silah, bab thawab silah al-rahm wa ithm man qata'aha}
In another Hadith reported by Bukhari, the Prophet (PBUH) said:
"Mercy will not descend upon a people among whom is one who breaks the ties of kinship." (Al Adab al Mufrad)
Hence the great Sahabi Abu Hurayrah (RAA) never liked to make supplication to Allah
in a gathering in which a person who had broken the ties of kinship was present, because that would prevent mercy from descending and the du`a' from being answered. On one Thursday night gathering, he said: "I urge everyone who has broken the ties of kinship to get up and leave us." No-one got up until he had said this three times. Then a young man got up and went to see a (paternal) aunt of his whom he had forsaken for two years. When he entered, she said, "O son of my brother, what brings you here?" He said, "I heard Abu Hurayrah say such-and-such." She told him, "Go back to him and ask him why he said that." (Abu Hurayrah) said: "I heard the Prophet (PBUH) say: `The deeds of the sons of Adam are shown to Allah every Thursday evening before Jumu`ah, and the deeds of the one who breaks the ties of kinship are not accepted.” {Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad, 1/142, Bab birr al-aqrab fa'l-aqrab.}
Breaking the ties of kinship is a sin which a Muslim whose heart is filled with true
guidance and the desire to obey Allah and earn His pleasure would never commit, because it is one of the sins that Allah has said will bring punishment both in this world and the next, as is stated in the hadith:
"There is no worse sin for which Allah will hasten the punishment of one who commits it in this world - in addition to what awaits him in the Hereafter - than oppressing others and breaking the ties of kinship.” {Ahmad, 5/38, and Ibn Majah, 2/37, Kitab al-zuhd, bab al-baghy. Its isnad is sahih}
Allah raised the status of the tie of kinship and honoured it by deriving its name, rahm, from one of His own names, al-Rahman. For He said (in a hadith qudsi):
"I am al-Rahman (the Most Merciful) and I have created rahm and derived its name from My name. Whoever takes care of it, I will take care of him, and whoever cuts it off, I will forsake him.” {Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad, 1/132, Bab fadl silah al-rahm.}
Muslim and his/her relatives
The Muslim upholds the ties of kinship according to the teaching of Islam
The Muslim earns two rewards when s/he treats his/her relatives with kindness and respect: one reward for maintaining the relationship, and another reward for giving the charity.
S/he fully understands the meaning of upholding ties of kinship
For the true Muslim, upholding the ties of kinship is one of the teachings of his faith. Its not just a matter of spending money; it goes much further than that. These ties are upheld by spending money on poorer relatives; and also by visits which reinforces the relationship, spreading mutual love and kindness; by advising and helping one another selflessly; by speaking kind words to the relatives; by greeting them warmly with smiling face and caring attitude; and by other good deeds which will fill hearts with love and extend ties of mutual support among one’s relatives.
S/he maintains the ties of kinship even if his/her relatives fail to do so
The true Muslim maintains the ties even if his relatives fail to do so, because the one who uphold this ties purely for the sake of Allah and in adherence to the highest Islamic teachings, does not expect to be treated equally well by his/her relatives in return. S/he always upholds the ties of kinship regardless of whether his/her relatives do so or not, to set an example in all his/her dealings with his/her relatives of the way Islam moulds people and makes them noble and decent.
The Prophet (PBUH) reinforced this meaning of the true Muslim when he said:
“The one who maintains a relationship with his relatives only because they maintain a relationship with him is not truly upholding the ties of kinship. The one who truly upholds those ties is the one who does so even if they break off the relationship” {Bukhari, Reported by al-Bazzar, from ibn Abbas, with several isnads that support one another}
Its a rare sight to see people making efforts to uphold these ties of kinship now. Rather, just the contrary is seen. More and more families are getting into disputes over inconsequential matters. Siblings becoming the enemy of their own siblings (VERY common in some Asian countries), fights between members regarding properties etc.
Islam has recognized the ties of kinship in a way that is unparalleled in other religions or "isms"; it enjoins Muslims to uphold the ties of kinship and condemns the one who breaks this tie.
There is no greater proof of the emphasis placed by Islam on the ties of kinship than the vivid picture painted by the Prophet (PBUH), who described kinship (rahm) as standing in the vast arena of creation and seeking refuge with Allah from being cut off. Allah answers its prayer, taking care of those who maintain the ties of kinship, and cutting off those who cut off these ties. This is seen in the sahih hadith narrated by Abu Hurayrah who said:
The Prophet (PBUH) said: `Allah created the universe, and when He had finished,
kinship (rahm) stood up and said, "This is the standing up of one who seeks Your protection from being cut off." Allah said, "Yes, would it please you if I were to take care of those who take care of you and cut off those who cut you off?" It said, "Of course." Allah said, "Then your prayer is granted." {Bukhari & Muslim, Sharh al-Sunnah, 13/20, Kitab al-birr wa'l-silah, bab thawab silah al-rahm wa ithm man qata'aha)
For the true Muslim, the fact that rahm is often mentioned in conjunction with belief in Allah and good treatment of parents, is enough to confirm its status and importance. Upholding the ties of kinship is one of the major principles of Islam, one of the fundamentals that this religion has promoted from the first day the Prophet (PBUH) began to preach his message. It is one of the most characteristic features of Islamic law. In fact severe warnings are given to those who do not uphold the ties of kinship. The Prophet (PBUH) has said:
"The person who breaks the ties of kinship will never enter Paradise.”{Bukhari & Muslim, Sharh al-Sunnah, 13/26, Kitab al-birr wa'l-silah, bab thawab silah al-rahm wa ithm man qata'aha}
In another Hadith reported by Bukhari, the Prophet (PBUH) said:
"Mercy will not descend upon a people among whom is one who breaks the ties of kinship." (Al Adab al Mufrad)
Hence the great Sahabi Abu Hurayrah (RAA) never liked to make supplication to Allah
in a gathering in which a person who had broken the ties of kinship was present, because that would prevent mercy from descending and the du`a' from being answered. On one Thursday night gathering, he said: "I urge everyone who has broken the ties of kinship to get up and leave us." No-one got up until he had said this three times. Then a young man got up and went to see a (paternal) aunt of his whom he had forsaken for two years. When he entered, she said, "O son of my brother, what brings you here?" He said, "I heard Abu Hurayrah say such-and-such." She told him, "Go back to him and ask him why he said that." (Abu Hurayrah) said: "I heard the Prophet (PBUH) say: `The deeds of the sons of Adam are shown to Allah every Thursday evening before Jumu`ah, and the deeds of the one who breaks the ties of kinship are not accepted.” {Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad, 1/142, Bab birr al-aqrab fa'l-aqrab.}
Breaking the ties of kinship is a sin which a Muslim whose heart is filled with true
guidance and the desire to obey Allah and earn His pleasure would never commit, because it is one of the sins that Allah has said will bring punishment both in this world and the next, as is stated in the hadith:
"There is no worse sin for which Allah will hasten the punishment of one who commits it in this world - in addition to what awaits him in the Hereafter - than oppressing others and breaking the ties of kinship.” {Ahmad, 5/38, and Ibn Majah, 2/37, Kitab al-zuhd, bab al-baghy. Its isnad is sahih}
Allah raised the status of the tie of kinship and honoured it by deriving its name, rahm, from one of His own names, al-Rahman. For He said (in a hadith qudsi):
"I am al-Rahman (the Most Merciful) and I have created rahm and derived its name from My name. Whoever takes care of it, I will take care of him, and whoever cuts it off, I will forsake him.” {Bukhari in al-Adab al-Mufrad, 1/132, Bab fadl silah al-rahm.}
Muslim and his/her relatives
The Muslim upholds the ties of kinship according to the teaching of Islam
The Muslim earns two rewards when s/he treats his/her relatives with kindness and respect: one reward for maintaining the relationship, and another reward for giving the charity.
S/he fully understands the meaning of upholding ties of kinship
For the true Muslim, upholding the ties of kinship is one of the teachings of his faith. Its not just a matter of spending money; it goes much further than that. These ties are upheld by spending money on poorer relatives; and also by visits which reinforces the relationship, spreading mutual love and kindness; by advising and helping one another selflessly; by speaking kind words to the relatives; by greeting them warmly with smiling face and caring attitude; and by other good deeds which will fill hearts with love and extend ties of mutual support among one’s relatives.
S/he maintains the ties of kinship even if his/her relatives fail to do so
The true Muslim maintains the ties even if his relatives fail to do so, because the one who uphold this ties purely for the sake of Allah and in adherence to the highest Islamic teachings, does not expect to be treated equally well by his/her relatives in return. S/he always upholds the ties of kinship regardless of whether his/her relatives do so or not, to set an example in all his/her dealings with his/her relatives of the way Islam moulds people and makes them noble and decent.
The Prophet (PBUH) reinforced this meaning of the true Muslim when he said:
“The one who maintains a relationship with his relatives only because they maintain a relationship with him is not truly upholding the ties of kinship. The one who truly upholds those ties is the one who does so even if they break off the relationship” {Bukhari, Reported by al-Bazzar, from ibn Abbas, with several isnads that support one another}
References:
[1] Hashimi, M.A. (1997). The muslim ideal (Adobe Digital Editions version), Retrieved from http://www.kalamullah.com/Books/The%20Ideal%20Muslim.pdf
[2] Hashimi, M.A. (1996). The ideal muslimah (Adobe Digital Editions version), Retrieved from http://www.kalamullah.com/Books/The%20Ideal%20Muslimah.pdf
