To understand Your Parents' Love..you must Raise Children yourself!

Asalaam Wa Alykum Wa Rahmat Allah Hi Wa Barakat

Allah has bestowed upon us many blessings. These blessings are so numerous that none can keep a count of it. One of these great blessings is that of “Parents”. Yet many of us do not realize this. We take it for granted. How true is the saying “Distances increases love”. It is only when we move away from them we realize the comfort we had because of our parents. Islam puts a lot of emphasize to love and respect our parents. So much that we should not even say an “Uff” (a mild word of objection) to them.

 

 

Why should we honor our parents?

Allah and the Prophet (PBUH) have given a lot of importance to parents. The rights of parents are great indeed. Allah mentions parents’ rights in conjunction with His own rights in many verses, for example, when He says:

 

“Worship Allaah and join none with Him (in worship); and do good to parents”
[al-Nisa’ 4:36---Interpretation of the meaning] 

 

“And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents” [al-Isra’ 17:23---Interpretation of the meaning] 

 

And We have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years - give thanks to Me and to your parents. Unto Me is the final destination. 
(  سورة لقمان  , Luqman, Chapter #31, Verse #14---Translated by Mohsin Khan)

 

Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Amr: A man said to the Prophet, "Shall I participate in Jihad?" The Prophet said, "Are your parents living?" The man said, "Yes." the Prophet said, "Do Jihad for their benefit."  (Book #73, Hadith #3)

 

This outlines the importance of parents. Do not forget that in our childhood it was our mom who used to spend sleepless nights when we were sick, fulfill our desires killing her own and also strive to keep us as happy as possible and provide us with all the comfort. They cook us our favorite meals, especially on some occasions which may be important to us. I know many mothers who didn’t used to spend on their Eid clothes and rather made sure that their kids had the best cloths for Eid festivals.

 

While our mom nourished and cared for us deeply, our dad strived and worked hard to fulfill our needs. Whatever we are now, is just because of our parents. If it weren’t for them we wouldn’t even know how to write. They tried to provide us with the best education and shape us into better humans.

 

How is it then that many of us feels embarrassed when we walk with our parents, and prefer to choose our friends rather than parents to spend time with? We say that our parents have become old and don’t know much. Have you forgotten the sacrifices they made for you so quickly? They were never embarrassed of you.

 

Parents are the only people in this world who would pray for your success and require absolutely nothing in return. When you get an award, your parents are the ones who are even happier than you yourself. Their joy and the smile on their face at that moment is cherish able.

Do you still ask why should we honor our parents?

 

 

What do we get for honoring our parents?

We definitely get their blessings. Above all honoring parents is obedience to Allah.

 

"If a person looks with love at his parents, Allah writes in his favor the reward equal to the performance of one Hajj."

[Someone asked, "will this promise be good if one looks at his parents one hundred times a day?" The Holy Prophet (PBUH) replied, "even if one does so a hundred thousand times a day, Allah gives the reward accordingly."]

 

Narrated 'Abdullah: I asked the Prophet "Which deed is the dearest to Allah?" He replied, "To offer the prayers at their early stated fixed times." I asked, "What is the next (in goodness)?" He replied, "To be good and dutiful to your parents" I again asked, "What is the next (in goodness)?" He replied, 'To participate in Jihad (religious fighting) in Allah's cause." 'Abdullah added, "I asked only that much and if I had asked more, the Prophet would have told me more."  (Book #10, Hadith #505)

 

Obeying and honoring one’s parents is a means of entering Paradise, as it was reported in Saheeh Muslim from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (PBUH) said: “He is doomed, he is doomed, he is doomed.” It was said, “Who, O Messenger of Allah?” He said, “The person whose parents, one or both of them, reach old age during his lifetime but he does not enter Paradise.” (Saheeh Muslim, 4627).

 

If a person honors his parents this may be the cause of his own children honoring him. Allah says:

 

“Is there any reward for good other than good?’ [Al-Rahmaan 55:60---Interpretation of the meaning]

 

It was also narrated from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn ‘Amr (RAA) that the Prophet (PBUH) said: “The pleasure of the Lord is in the pleasure of one’s father and the anger of the Lord is in the anger of one’s father.” (Al-Tirmidhi (1821), classed hasan by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah (516)). 

 

This applies to mothers as well. So whoever obeys the command of Allah has honored Allah and glorified him, thus He will be pleased with him, and whoever goes against His command, He will by angry with him.  

 

The right of parents to kind treatment is not waived even if they practice witchcraft and deviancy and seek to harm their children thereby. Allah has enjoined us to behave with them in this world kindly, even if they tell their son to associate others with Allah (shirk).

 

 

How do we honor our parents?

So do we just honor them by saying we love them and thats it? We love them, thats good enough, we can still go about arguing with them, talking to them with loud voices, giving our work more preference than what they have asked us to do. NO! This isn’t called honoring parents. We have to SHOW our love for them. Plus if you really love them with your heart, you’ll show it in your actions towards them.

 

Honoring one’s parents means obeying them, respecting them, praying for them, lowering one's voice in their presence, smiling at them, lowering the wing of humility to them, not showing displeasure towards them, striving to serve them, fulfilling their wishes, consulting them, listening to what they say, not being stubborn towards them and respecting their friends both during their lifetime and after they have died. That also includes not traveling without their permission, not sitting in a place higher than theirs, not starting to eat before they do, and not showing preference to your wife or child over them. 

 

 

What if we do not honor them?

If a person prayers, and does various other Muslims deeds and has a clean heart yet fails to respect their parents or even care for their parents is this wrong? YES IT’S A SIN

 

Every kind of annoying to one's parents, whether in word or deed, is an act of disobedience which means that the child is a sinner, because it goes against the command and prohibition of Allah, Who has commanded us to speak to them kindly and treat them kindly. Allah says:

 

And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honor. 
( Al-Isra, Chapter #17, Verse #23---Translated by Mohsin Khan)

 

Narrated Anas: The Prophet was asked about the great sins He said, "They are: (1 ) To join others in worship with Allah, (2) To be undutiful to one's parents. (3) To kill a person (which Allah has forbidden to kill) (i.e. to commit the crime of murdering). (4) And to give a false witness."  (Book #48, Hadith #821)

 

 

"Allah has commanded that if anybody prays equal to the invocations performed by the prophets, such prayers will do no good if that person has been cursed by his or her parents." (Hadith Qudsi)

 

One who truly fears Allah is not the one who weeps and sheds tears during prayers; rather he is the one who gives up something for which he fears he may be punished. 

 

Lastly, I leave you with a verse from the Quran that we all should recite for our parents, preferably after every fard prayer:

 

"Our Lord! Forgive me and my parents, and (all) the believers on the Day when the reckoning will be established." 
(  سورة إبراهيم  , Ibrahim, Chapter #14, Verse #41---Translated by Mohsin Khan)

  If the parents tell the child to do something which is against the shar'iah/Quran and it has no such bases then the child has the right to object. However, the child still have to show them kindness and behave with them appropriately.

 

May Allah have mercy on our parents and make us the harmony of their eyes---Ameen!

 

References:
Akhtar, S.H. The Status of Parents in Islam
www.searchtruth.com
www.islamqa.com
www.thinkexist.com

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